Tattling on Tinder; Dating App Encourages Awkward First Impressions

imageAs I swiped to the right in hopes to match with another local candidate, I felt something different for the next profile that followed. No, these feelings were not butterflies producing euphoric neurotransmitters throughout my body. My arteries started clogging shortly after I matched with Pizzaa, a twenty year old slice of pepperoni pizza, whom resides 66 miles away from my location in Connecticut. According to one of America’s comfort foods, this slice is extra saucy! Whether you would take a bite into sexual innuendos on the first date, my stomache [sic]  is feeling much better considering the user of this account did not message me as soon as we matched. If Pizzaa was inclined to message me, I question whether or not Tinder was behind the genuine compliment Pizzaa might have left me that sparked up an appetite.

Tinder is a matchmaking app that allows users to swipe right if they like the person, or left if they decide to pass up on the offer of introducing each other. When both users confirm mutual interest by swiping right on each other, a notification pops up in the messages. Shortly before messaging the person, there is a message under the user’s profile picture. I question whether or not some users take these messages seriously. The messages change every time the message page is refreshed; sometimes being inspiration and other times being too frank. The users do not share or see any of each other’s Tinder messages that pop up shortly before engaging with each other. These messages will go away as soon as someone engages in the conversation. I will provide you with some examples of these first impression initiators:

 

1. “You’re not getting any younger.”

2. “Give them a compliment and watch what happens.”

3. “Tinder can’t type for you… at least not yet.”

4. “Live as you die today, dream as if you live forever.”

5. “Insert compliment below.”

6. “Send a message before your battery dies.”

7. “YOLO.” / “You only live once.” (No, seriously, they use both lines!)

8. “Did the cat bite your tongue?”

9. “Over 36% of your Facebook friends are on Tinder.”

10. “And to think, you almost swiped left …”

11. “Tell them about a crazy experience you just had.”

12. “I hope you’re not driving right now.”

13. “You can tell your kids you met on Tinder.”

14. “If you don’t ask, you won’t ever know.”

15. “Ready to get Tinderized?”

16. “Ask them about your mutual friends.”

17. “Say something funny!”

18. “Say something witty!”

19. “Stop being boring.”

20. “If only there was a way to start a conversation. Oh wait …”

 

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In defense, Tinder has messaged me the following statement, “Starting conversations are awkward, but not here!” I think they caught on to my discovery. Shortly before I finalized this brief post, I was captivated by Cinnamon, a 20 year old Connecticut resident 11 miles away from my location.  Yes, my sweet tooth was ready to devour into this love affair while Pizzaa’s “glistening sweet sauce” is left for tomorrow morning in the refrigerator. Is this the latest dating troll frenzy? Have you set your eyes on inanimate objects lately? Is this the era of love at first bite? Comment below to tell me what you think about Tinder’s tactics for online matchmaking.

Food for Thought

Many users mention in their profile that they are not using Tinder for hook-ups when Tinder has been dubbed as the latest app for hook-ups. Does anyone read the small print on your profile, or are physical attributes in the way of a meaningful conversation? Do you notice a trend in how your matches start their first impressions with you on Tinder? Are they complimenting on your physical characteristics or something you have written directly in your profile? Are they thinking outside the profile box to call you altruistic when you never even brought up the word, however you have used words like, “nurse, teacher, caretaker, or vet” throughout your career goals? Share your thoughts on this! Have you ever responded to an automated Tinder message or received a response from one? I appreciate your time! Take care.

 

 

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The Sensualist; Update on Novel with Prologue

Recently, I let my original idea go. As the 40,000 words slipped through my fingers, I was already jotting down ideas with my other hand for a stronger plot line. The Sensualist. A homeless man grants a frat boy a wish that leaves him speechless. This is it. An alpha male with the gift of gab loses his voice after a homeless man grants him a wish that challenges him to respect women without saying a word. After conducting several social experiments with online dating websites, I can sense a lot of men lack essential interpersonal communication skills when they communicate with women. Communication is a vital element of every established relationship, but body language will enhance the bond between the two individuals. The initial eye contact is the foundation, while the firm handshake confirms security and trust. As a couple invests more time for each other, eye contact is extremely intriguing. Eyes can convey a lot of emotion, including lust. The hand movements can challenge the interpretation, and the playful Eskimo kisses can prolong the intensity. I have provided a working prologue below to gain some critiques. I wrote the entire prologue using an app on my phone, and I would like to share it with my valued subscribers. This is a working prologue to jot my ideas down. I will eventually go back to it for revisions. Grammar Nazis are welcomed. This was a matter of conveying my next project with everyone. Thanks!

The Sensualist 

Prologue 

 

November 2013

In a desperate attempt to run away from his dysfunctional family, a young teenager catches the last evening bus to the city. The street lights from the suburban neighborhoods encourage his spontaneous drive for freedom. They light up his night towards his unexpected fate. The city is a beautiful place at night, especially during the Christmas holidays. The nearby highways are like skies on the ground with shooting stars flying in sync with each other. The traffic extends around the corner in multiple lanes, prolonging the peaceful ride. The bus is calm, and the driver is too relaxed. The boy falls asleep until the last stop for the night. The bus comes to a complete stop. The driver looks back, sighs at the sight of the teen, and shouts to the back of the bus. No response. A deep sleep is in the way of his undivided attention. A sudden tap on the boy’s shoulder sparks movement.

“Wake up, kid,” an unfamiliar voice replaces his mother’s daily wake-up call.

The unregistered voice filters through his ears, causing his eyes to twitch and his fingers to stretch. A set of dark brown eyes suddenly begin to stare back at the driver. The startled teen quickly lifts his head from the seat. An awkward silence between the driver and the teen passes as soon as the driver explains the situation. The driver walks over to the wheel, sits back down, and opens the door. The teen makes his first step into independence at a bus shelter near a poorly lit streetlight. A nearby bar is turning off their lights for the night. As the bus drives ahead of him with the lights turned off, the rush of being miles away from home quickly escalates to fear. The alert teen looks around for anyone walking the streets. He passes by a doughnut shop on the corner with bums sitting by the curb eating the daily leftovers from the dumpster. A man in a trench coat politely walks up to the boy illuminating under the streetlight. The teen hesitates to engage in a conversation until the man tips his hat.

“You’re running away from something, I see,” the man says with a grin on his face.

“No, I … uh, got off the wrong bus stop. I’m trying to find my way back to the city.”

The man laughs hysterically at the boy’s white lie. “I can sense your fear, young lad. Tell me. Where would you wish to be right now?”

“Anywhere?”

“Yes, anywhere you want,” the man says nodding.

“I wish to be anywhere but home.”

“How does the city sound?”

“Just listen,” the boy pauses to reflect for a moment. “It’s absolute bliss.”

The man chuckles at the sound of speeding cars, car alarms, and bums rustling in the dumpsters.

“Well, other than that, I want to live here. Far away from home.”

The man nods, and walks away into the dark alley laughing hysterically. “What are you waiting for, kid? This is your home.”

“What? Wait, here?” The boy is squeamish by the rats scurrying around. “This place is disgusting!”

“Fix it up. You cannot go back to where you once lived. Your family will not recognize you. Follow me. Take a look.”

The man walks towards the jewelry store, and points at the reflection of the glass window. The boy notices a bearded man looking back at him, mimicking every move he makes.

“What happened to my face?,” the boy says in shock. “That’s not me at all. I’m hideous! I’m dirty! I’m …”

“You’re homeless. I sped up your growth. Grow up. It’s the price you pay for your wish. “

“No, I wanted to live anywhere but home. You promised you would take me anywhere I wanted.”

“You got your wish, kid. You agreed to live here in the city. Bliss, you said. Run along.”

Tears run across the boy’s face in disbelief. The thought of running away from everyone was temporary, the change was inevitable.

“But my family, they’ll look for me. They’ll be worried. Amber alerts. News reports. They will never find me because I am not a kid anymore.”

He looks back at his reflection on the glass window. The reality sets in as his fingers descend away from his face. The hysterical laughter from the man stops. The man places his hand on the boy’s shoulder from behind.

“Let me tell you this. If you can grant a wish to someone else, your soul will be set free from the curse I cast upon you. The person cannot be related, a friend, an enemy or a past love. This person has to be new. Fresh. Someone younger than twenty-five years old. Good luck, my boy. Until then, catch some sleep. The city is a big playground. Play. Stay alert. Watch your back. Nobody ever plays nice here. Don’t ever trust a walking soul on the streets.”

The trench coat disappears in the dark as the man descends into the alley. The last tear is shed from the boy’s face. The boy walks down the street glaring at the group of people hurdling around a blazing fire lit inside a trash can.

“Bliss,” he moans. “Anywhere but home. What was I thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking at all. I was emotionally unstable. I was intoxicated with heavy dosages of negative energy. The dysfunctional family I left behind five years ago was never given a chance to listen. After living on the streets, I grew up as a stronger man. I understand life better than before this happened to me. I was as naive as you, kid. Tell me. What did you learn, Logan?”

The silence is killing me as I watch the next victim struggle in the chair.

“Oh, right, you will need these,” I murmur.

I slide a ballpoint pen and a piece of paper across the table. I await for his response as his fists clench around the pen with frustration. The pen starts moving across the paper as bottled up feelings start pouring out. I wrap my fingers around the warm coffee cup admiring the struggle I have created.

“Take your time, kid. I chose you for a reason.”

What’s Up? Nothing Yet, Winky Face; Sexting 101

Life is a rewarding apparatus that provides countless obstacles, challenges, limitations, and opportunities to face. These situations are identified through a vast array of social, political, and economic influences. Work schedules can be tedious, tight, and overwhelming to plan anything exciting after work. If someone is tossing two jobs around, a personal note of appreciation goes to this workforce for their balancing act of eating healthy, maintaining work efficiency, and sleeping enough between and after their shifts. These productive individuals provide more tax paying power to our state and our country. Thank you for your support! Education can overwhelm the undergraduate, family influences can overwhelm anyone involved, and parenthood – let’s just move on. Although I am not a parent, from what I know, I was hired for my second job at a local grocery store down the street from my first job almost four months ago. I am still really stoked over this, and I am looking forward to staying productive with my time. Blogging has been pushed aside, but I am slowly coming back. I will try my best to blog at least twice a month when I get the chance. I wanted to submit an article by Valentine’s Day after reviewing all of the search keywords most people use to find my blog since January. I am intrigued to share search terms from several months ago to give you an idea of how people find my blog. A productive lifestyle filled with work and family has yet to hinder the free time people use to surf the Internet for dating and relationship advice. The following are search terms used via popular search engines to come across (no pun intended) this blog. Please note that these terms are also used to find pictures over the Internet. The first most commonly used term with 88 views will direct anyone to a picture of a young couple used for my blog article, “Romantic Résumé; Marketing Yourself for Love in 2013.” 

Search Engine List

romantic sorry to lover
stories of the mile high club
romantic love making out doors
kissing ladies seductively
sex and kissing breast
seductive sexting picture ideas
sex kiss bite
the disney myth true love
couples lip biting
christina ricci photoshoot
how to. make your man beg for more when having sex
prinzecharming.com
couple biting lips
romantic couple foreplay -stock
hot sex couple breast
biting sex
a cul de sac relationship
bite sex
love bite couple
disney’s portrayal of love
seductive sexting stories
romantic love on bed
passionate sex gif
ewhoremany.com
a kiss bite
bite ear
neck touching couples
how to act out a cat in forplay
neck kissing n boobs pressing n pussy
sorry image image
okcupid dating profile username missshuffles90
sexting ur guy
couple lip biting
what else sexe
lip to lip sex
sensual romantic
lip kiss holding hands
sex bite
sexting a guy
ear biting
tumblr sensual
charming art award
cinderella and prince charming s love story
couple biting love
porn air fresheners
romantic sexual pics
sex bk
how to sexting fue your man
cuddling tumblr after sex
couple kiss in bed biting lips
romantics pics love

Wait, I am sorry. What was that? Porn air fresheners? What does porn even smell like? Wait, before anyone decides to smell any of their sexual paraphernalia, the biting theme seems to dominate the search list. I may consider this idea as another blog entry. I might approach this topic as a survey rather than from experience.  As for now, I will move on to say that sex is animalistic behavior. The animals involved will either care about enhancing their love making or take an advantage of the situation as a typical dominant role in the animal kingdom. Based on the search results, people use their free time on the Internet to search for sensual and sexual enhancement with their partners. Sexting is still appearing as a common theme among the search results. It is also appearing more widely across the news involving older men and young women using social media outlets, such as Kik. I provided links to the search results that directly connect to my previous blog posts. You may check them out at any time by clicking the hyperlink provided.

In this next social experiment, fifty men have settled the idea that sexting is reserved for both hook-ups and serious relationships. It appears that sexting is a qualitative act between two people, and altruism may or may not influence this notion. Whether we are celebrating Valentine’s Day or any other holiday, couples should engage through sexting to enhance their social and intimate relationship with each other. Sexting is not only popular to search across the Internet, but it is a missing component of intimate communication. As technology advances, communication between most couples across the world lack the essential interpersonal communication skills for exchanging ideas, feelings, similarities and differences. Emojis, or smiley faces used in SMS conversations, are ineffective if the receiver is not understanding that the flame next to the bed might indicate hot passionate love. Yes, the bed is really hot. Could you please remove some blankets? Awkward. It was worth a shot. Given a cultural and religious understanding, everyone must realize that sexting may hinder religious and/or moral beliefs. Everyone has their own right to their own body, and should express themselves freely as they will. Although equality to their own body is a human right, not all human rights are offered to those who deserve them in other countries. Male chauvinist countries may hinder these opportunities through religious and cultural beliefs, and rebellious acts of promiscuous activity may occur. For an interesting study on gender inequality and women’s rights to their own sexuality, research topics revolved around young Tunisian women. In addition, familiarize yourself with marital rape. Marriage is consensual on the day when two souls exchange vows, however this does not give free access to each other’s body at their own convenience.

Technological advancement in communication has comfortably set the tone for online dating. Most men would agree that they are smooth talkers, while most women (based on surveying the male perspective) feel the need to initiate a seductive line via SMS. This may or may not be the truth, but most guys feel the need to point fingers at the women who offer hints and suggestions to spark up more than a conversation. In February, I engaged in a social experiment with the two catfish accounts I have on the dating website OkCupid. I asked 50 men, 25 different men for each account, for their opinions of sexting. Guys, before I review the responses, feel free to take a moment to answer the following questions yourself. Then, compare your responses to the results. Note: the fifth question is not applicable because it is rather awkward, silly, and not effective without an actual image of the two catfish women. I will present the questions, the background results of how OkCupid established three compatibility percentages, and then the overall feedback of responses for each catfish account. The compatibility percentages range from Match, Friendship, and Enemy. In a recent update within the past several months, the website no longer has the friendship compatibility match option. Therefore, this will be the last time I will use this source for my blog.

Sexting Survey

The following are questions I provided to all the male participants that ranged from 18 to 45 years old:

1. Do you sext?

2. Why (for all ‘yes’ responses)?, Why not (‘no’ responses)?

3. Who initiates the sexting?

4. Do you prefer sexting with images or text?

5.  Give me an example of how you would sext me, providing details of how you would turn me on? Then, maybe, you can win my number with the best answer.

First Impressions Matter

Appearances can be deceiving, but first impressions are generally the foundation to most relationships. Regardless of your preferences for older men or women, most would hesitate to walk up to someone of any race, gender, or age with a clever pick-up line. If you are still shaking your head in disapproval, congratulations on providing an equal opportunity in your community. The Internet immediately creates a first impression of appearance, personality, and education level based upon how the individual markets, or portrays, their overall self-image. The captivating images of selfies, intriguing autobiographies, and word choice in exercising their freedom of speech are all factors in making or breaking that initial connection. In the last social experiment, I was analyzing conversations to discover this notion about social interaction between two catfish women and fifty randomly selected men. The rave girl’s promiscuous profile attracted the men who will most likely stay for a night or two.  The college graduate pursuing a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology draws attention to men who are serious about bringing someone home to their family. The language between myself and the subjects were alternated under the idea that it was appropriate to maintain that overall profile’s reputation. The rave girl bluntly came out with the first question listed above on sexting, while the college graduate apologized to her audience for being blunt. The results for each profile were entertaining, inspirational, and well-worth the time in conducting this social experiment. All interaction with the men stopped after the last question was answered. No further communication was necessary, unless the last question sparked something intriguing. At most, I asked all sparked responses if they wrote often. This was more often for the rave girl than the college graduate. All other messages were noted, and briefly explained in the Aftermath section of this blog post.

Age

The age range between the two women I selected may or may not have been a major factor in which men decided to spark up a conversation. However,  I have noticed that age can play an important role in first impressions over the Internet. The 20 year-old rave girl attracted men between the ages of 18 to 45. The twenty-four year-old college graduate attracted men from the ages of 18 to 41. The modes, or values that were commonly represented throughout the data, were 21 and 24. Thus, making an observation that people attract their own age group more often as a norm. The average age of the men interested in the rave girl was 25.96, while the college graduate attracted an average of 26.72. The difference was only 0.76 off from each other. You can agree that age is just a number, but the intent of social interaction will change everything based on how the individual markets their intent for being on a dating website. If the rave girl was also pursuing a college degree, the results could have significantly changed if she only expressed this academic pursuit on her profile. Her sexual experience was noted in most of the questions answered prompted by OkCupid to set up match, friendship, and enemy percentages. Given this understanding, these percentages could have significantly changed, and interest between the two individuals might have altered any connection between each other. A male participant could have relied on these percentages to further engage in the match or moved on to someone with higher scores. A male participant might have solely depended on the responses to the separate questions provided by the website. Multiple factors were involved.

Sexuality 

In the previous social experiment, I have attracted a woman interested in small talk with the bisexual college graduate student. However,  the sexuality between the two women did not change any results for this experiment. All inquiries were straight single men. The men did not engage in any discussion around sexual orientation, and the male participants were primarily focused on one-on-one encounters.

Residential 

Despite the common residential location for these women residing in Los Angeles, a surprising discovery was made when both women attracted two men in their twenties from the East Coast. Although the New York men were two years apart from each other, they both scored at least a 90% for match compatibility with their love interest. After analyzing the data to find any local LA men, the results were surprisingly low. The ratio between LA men to the rest of the CA men (ignoring the two New York men) was 8 to 24 for the rave girl,  and only 5 to 24 for the college graduate. This may or may not imply that LA men prefer meeting women in public places rather than on dating websites. It is also important to note that the two women both share high compatibility ratings for both match and friendship compatibility percentages with the LA men. There were only two LA men with a high match compatibility, but a significantly low friendship compatibility. The rave girl attracted one LA male with 80% match and 25% friendship compatibility. The college graduate attracted one LA male with a 61% match and 43% friendship compatibility. In addition, one male had a balanced 64% and 63% compatibility for the college graduate.

Compatibility

On OkCupid, there are three percentages that are calculated based on answering a countless number of questions to provide a 99.9% chance of being soul-mates. One percentage will calculate match compatibility, another will determine friendship compatibility, and the last one will cover enemies (or the lack of a healthy compatibility). The rave girl attracted nine men with a match compatibility from 80% to 90%.  Only five men scored 72% to 77%. That is 14 men out of 25 who scored a C- or higher in a match compatibility percentage. Therefore, a little more than half of the men were compatible love interests for the rave girl. Only three men scored 82% to 85% for friendship compatibility. A score of 73% to 79% was achieved by six men for friendship compatibility. The enemy percentage ranged from 0% to 54%. Given the data results, the rave girl has a balanced compatibility (80% to 100% range for both match and friendship compatibility) with only three men. If she decided to lower her standards to a 70% to 100% balanced compatibility, she would have eight men out of 25 from this study. That is only 32% of men who are both match and friendship compatible.

The college graduate attracted 12 men with a match compatibility between 80% to 91%, and six men with 70% to 72%. In addition, more men fell into the 60% to 69% compatibility range compared to the rave girl by four additional men. That is a total of 18 men, 72% of men surveyed, who scored a C- or higher in a match compatibility percentage. Surprisingly, the college graduate came across one individual with a 94% friendship compatibility percentage. That individual male also scored a 90% match compatibility. Therefore, he will be part of the overall best suited men from this study. There were five men who scored between 83% to 87% for friendship compatibility. Only three men scored a C range from 71% to 79% for friendship compatibility. In comparison, there were more men who ranged from 62% to 69% for friendship compatibility with the college graduate than the rave girl by three men. The enemy percentage ranged from 0% to 62%. Given the data results, the college graduate has a balanced compatibility with five men. If she decided to lower her standards to a 70% to 100%  balanced compatibility, she would have eight men out of 25 from this study. That is another 32% of men who are both match and friendship compatible. Whether the participating catfish women choose to lower their own standards to find true love online, the average of all the percentages might shed light into online dating.

The match compatibility average for the rave girl resulted to 61.85%. The friendship compatibility was 56.18%, while the enemy percentage was 24.29%. In comparison to the college graduate, there was a higher compatibility match with 73.44%. The friendship compatibility was also higher with 61.40%. The enemies were significantly lower with the college graduate at 18.96%. The match compatibility for one young woman was very close to the friendship compatibility of the other woman.

Unexpected Factors

The results, including match percentages and question responses, of this experiment may have been affected by time of conversation, disabled accounts, lack of interest, and other distracting incidents. In addition, I did not engage further with the participating males after the fifth question was asked. I will include if any replies were added during the five month duration of leaving the conversations idle. The three compatibility percentages may have changed since I talked to the participants in February based on how they answered more (if any) questions. In a recent website update, the match and enemy compatibility percentages are the only two factors calculated on every member’s profile.

As of updating this blog entry, an additional three accounts were disabled since July 22, 2014, preventing the college graduate to pursue anything further with them. There are now ten disabled accounts since the social experiment initiated with the college graduate’s account. Surprisingly, two of the five LA guys disabled their accounts.  One of them was a well suited match for the college graduate with an 89% match and 84% friendship compatibility. In addition, her other top choice with an 88% match and 87% friendship compatibility also disabled their account. Luckily, she can still choose the guy with a 91% match and 87% friendship compatibility. The rave girl has six male participant inactive accounts, including the guy from New York and the second highest match (1 of the 8 LA men) with a compatibility of 89%.  The most common age for both accounts to see inactivity is 24 and 21. The youngest inactive account for the rave girl was 21, while the college graduate lost two 19 year old men. Keep in mind – the rave girl is 20, the college graduate is 24. That is a total of 16 men out of 50 whom disabled their accounts, or 32%, since the study began in February. The college graduate lost 10 out of 25, or 40%, of the prospective men while the rave girl lost 6 out of 25, or 24%, of the participating men. Can we say that men who are attracted to promiscuous women will most likely stay desperate for anyone faster than those looking for a serious relationship with a well-educated woman? Perhaps.

The Question Responses

In this social experiment, I maintained two different personalities to effectively portray the catfish accounts. The responses to the questions varied between both accounts under the impression that one young woman likes sex, raves, and partying. The other young woman admits to a private moment with an embarrassing sexting story on her profile. She claims that she accidentally sent a picture of herself to her friend, and her friend now calls her, “Cheeks.” Given that there were 50 men involved with this study, I will briefly mention the results for each profile. The college graduate will be reviewed first. I am looking forward to publishing a separate blog entry for the rave girl’s perspective.

1st Question

According to several men, sexting is a gender norm. Men do it. What else do you want to know? According to others, some are quite inexperienced with sexting, or prefer the real deal. Yeah, I am sure it is a lot better than your hand. Wait, how else would you sext? Ha. Gotcha. As a college graduate with high values, I was told not to be worried for being blunt about asking a question that involves digital intimacy. A more intriguing discovery is a common frequency of assumption and demand. Guys, for the record, never assume the following question is an immediate offer:

“Sorry to be blunt, but do you sext?”

Reality check. Guys, seriously, how many women bother to ask you a question like that anyway? Do you need to read my previous blog entry on analyzing conversations in online dating? Always read their profile! This is too fishy! This is a catfish red flag. Regardless of her intent, treat her question as any other. She is seeking information from you. She is not necessarily asking for your digits. Give her some respect. On the topic of respect, watch what you say when you prefer physical penetration rather than mental stimulation. We all understand you prefer the real deal. Limit your disclosure to respectable terms. She could live without the details. Interestingly, some guys questioned if sexting was a requirement. Again. Never assume she wants a relationship with you. Give her space. Lastly, some guys reserve sexting with people they are already hooking-up with, rather than new people from online dating websites. Well, isn’t that special? Keep in mind that people lie about their age. Always talk to them appropriately. One guy responded with a negative response. I was intrigued to discover his reasoning. He mentions the legality of sexting. Finally, someone bright enough to know their boundaries! The guy states, “I think it’s dumb and folks get themselves into trouble.” As soon as I mentioned a scenario of meeting someone on a website for intended legal age adults to avoid that problematic concern, he quickly threw back the unexpected when I questioned how he would accommodate the lack of physical intimacy in a long distant relationship. He brought up, “If this is some research project or something, I’m not really interested…” Well, I respect that. Kudos for analyzing conversations effectively. Was that it? No. I wanted to see his intent.

 His Intent 

CG: Why would you even think that? lol I am just curious to find out how romantic you are in expressing your feelings towards others, given an opportunity maybe in the future that something may happen between us. Sorry I bothered to get to know you better.

Him: There are girls who make accounts to collect information for psychology/sociology papers and stuff like that. It happens more than you would think. If you’re just curious, I’m really just not into sexting. I’ve never done long distance relationships, so I have no idea.
CG: Really? I’ve seen the show Catfish, but I never imagined anything academically intended. Did you know OkCupid does their own research? So, why bother to do something already done? lol Check out their blog if you’re intrigued: http://blog.okcupid.com/. So, you would rather express yourself in person than over the phone. That’s respectful. I like that. I am glad you’re not self-centered and selfish.
Him: The number one rule of college: just because somebody else has said it 9,999 times, it doesn’t mean you can’t say the exact same thing and consider yourself “edgy.” Haha. You can’t really blame me for being suspicious considering you’re going to grad school for psychology.
 
Reel em’ in! 
Well, he is definitely a keeper! He analyzed my profile effectively. What if I was going for grad school for something else? Do you think this would have resulted differently? The less confident men were quite open about their experience in sexting. One guy mentions, “Nah its fine haha n honestly no haha ive never done that n I dont think ill be good at it haha.” Excessive laughing. Grammatical errors. I get it. No, really, I do. Haha. I stumbled upon another who admitted that they did not have much experience, but would volunteer to do so. A thirty year old caught on quick:
Him: “I do if I’m with someone. You?”
CG: Yes, in the same context as you, so it’s special. Why do you do it?
Him: “What made you ask that as the first question? It’s not a common occurrence”
CG: Oh, I am just testing out romance types. I am curious to see your response to why do you do it? What’s your motive behind it? Who usually initiates it? Are you more dominant or submissive? Do you prefer images or text? It helps me understand you better.
Him: “I don’t see how. Why do you answer first and I can get a better understanding of you. Or you can just tell me about yourself, are you close with your family, how do you treat your mom, what do you do for fun, are you happy with your life, why did you join Okc. I think those would be more important than sexting.”
Well, we have a family man. Ladies, this one is up for grabs!

Him: To  sexting if it does happen is between that couple and should only be done with that couple. If they feel the need to “spice” things up they should do what makes them happy. As far as discussing it with a stranger it doesn’t apply, because it’s only pertinent to those involved.

CG: Ah, you would be surprised. Just that response alone tells me you genuinely care for the person. Yes, I am very close to my family. They’re the reason why I am here. lol In addition, you can choose your friends, but you can never choose your family. Although I would say a few cousins would be the first to be changed if possible. My mom and I are close, but I am closer to my father. I volunteer at a health clinic. That’s always fun, and very rewarding. My life could be better, but it’s much better than most my age. I joined this site because my friend told me about it. So, I figured, what’s there to lose? 

Him: I appreciate your honesty. It shows how sincere and well-brought up you are.
I try to be as honest as possible, especially online. I’m looking for something real and genuine so I figured I better be as real and as genuine as possible if I want that in return.
Then, there was this guy: 
“That’s pretty blunt. I have no idea how to sext.”

Well, you are not the only one. Is there a significant difference between texting and sexting other than a letter change?  Why would anyone bother to get intimate over a bunch of words? Why would you do such a thing? I mean, it sounds horrifying. Sexting. 

2nd Question: 
“It sounds pretty scary,” one guy replies. Seriously, sexting is a genre of sci-fi if they ignore washing themselves. The same guy questioned previously, “How does one typically start a sexting session?” I admire his curiosity and word choice. Do people typically call them sessions, moments, or opportunities? Why do we even bother?
Men have a very fascinating way of expressing themselves. This was absolutely one of my favorite questions that I asked. The opinionated gave me an overall understanding, while the passionate frankly admitted to just getting down and dirty in person.
Here are some ideas: 

“Well its a way for both people to have a fantasy in there head to get off to.” “My intent is not to sext but the other person is the one asking so I go along with it but they are no longer in my life.” “I’m good and only on tuesdays lol what are you up to?” “Idk just really havnt talked to anyone like that thru text haha id much rather perfer to do things in person espeacily if its messing around like that haha. Now im sorry if I sound creepy hear haha buy since u asked ill ask u the samething haha would u like to mess around but in person perferably haha xp”

“I only do it when I’m in a relationship, I guess it’s way to express yourself to your significant other.”
 “I dont think ive ever “sexted” but i do enjoy being involved in things revolved around sex. does that count?”
 
“I feel like sexting is a way to pass the time before actually hooking up and having sex. . if not it just seems like a tease i guess. but like i said i never done it.”
 
 “Only if they have a particular fetish for it.”
“Some girls I date do that so I play along.”
“I think I’d prefer to wait the first time and text, we could switch things up after build up some experience.”
One of the oldest guys I surveyed caught on by the second question questioning if I was doing research for a paper. I told him that I was just fascinated to figure people out their their intimate personalities (or lack thereof) to confirm compatibility. He replied, “I don’t really do that but if it’s with a woman that I have a very good connection with that it’s impossible to see then maybe will write something horny otherwise horny time is for when you’re both together what about you. Maybe it could be fun if the other person is good at it. I guess phone conversations much better.” I replied, “Yeah, phone sex is a lot better than sexting. It’s much more meaningful because it has an emotional and physical connection to the person. I am glad you’re not as easy as most men, and it takes a lot to gain your time. I respect that. In a serious relationship with you, who would normally initiate that intimate behavior?”
Well, I moved on the next question with him, and he nailed me. Pun not intended. He replied in a playful joking matter.
Him: Dude! your so obviously writing some kind of college paper cut it out :) if you want to keep up this conversation why don’t you buy me a coffee or a beer or something I’m in Atwater and Silverlake area ;) I’m super busy guy I’m starting a business etc but you seem interesting and smart so if you want to get together for a chat and some laughs or something . I’ll help you with your paper. let me know 323-his-digits-were-here.
I left him alone for a while. He still sent me messages, even after a month. “Coffee? Haha not talking to me any more?” He offered to help though. That made my day. Then, there was this guy. The guy who respects his women, but finds sexting weird:
“Cuz I need to have a lot of feelings for a woman before anything like that happens. Plus it is just weird.”
3rd Question: 

Would it be weird if the other person initiated it? No pressure to start, but so much pressure to finish? The other pressure, of course. The third question revolved around sexting initiation. Who gets the blame for being dominantly digital? According to the men I surveyed, consent between the couple happens before anything else. I was curious to question how sexting becomes consensual, but that would have caused confusion. Some guys mentioned that the girl would ask, and the guy will say yes. The rest of the responses speak for themselves:

“Haha well the boy n the girl can talk about it left n right but at the end its really up to the girl who decides if they want it in person or sexting haha. So wat do u think in person or sexting? Haha but just so u know im a lot better in person cuz im a sucky texter so ill bore u haha. I talk more in person n can keep u entertain.”
 
Well, at least he was honest. No sucky sucky for me. The inexperienced were quite the challenge, but nonetheless they were still helping my study:
“What do you mean? i dunno i guess there was texting before hand but i dont know if sending me tits counts as sexting. but i likeit none the less.”
 
Tits. Everyone likes those.

Well, what if tits were not interesting to them at the time? Yeah, some guys reported to say that it depends on their mood, and the person involved. The dominant sexters admitted that it depends on each other’s mood, not just their own. Well, that is reassuring someone else cares about the other person involved. Surprisingly, one admits that they have not had a lot of sex. I am only suggesting that it surprises me to connect sexting and actual sex together. Are we on the same page here or maybe we should change the chapter?

Participating Male: I wouldn’t know. I haven’t done it.

CG:Ah so you wouldn’t be able to express yourself over the phone to turn your girlfriend on?
PM: Can we change the conversation?
Yeah, why not? Let’s get visual!

4th Question: 

A picture is worth a thousand words, and some data usage! Everyone has a different way of appreciating visual stimulation, whether it was physically seeing images or creating mental images on their own. I have previously written a blog article on seductive sexting for those who wish to engage in imagery seen physically by the eyes, and not solely dependent on the mind. Instant gratification. I get it. No, not like that, but I understand why this is a very popular way of communicating intimate ideas across social media outlets. Please refer back to my previous blog article to understand that this intimate exchange is not meant for everyone, regardless of your personal preference. Whether you are explicitly communicating to minors in written text or via image exchange, it is still illegal. That is the law. As my two catfish accounts were portrayed as legal adults, we can continue on to what stimulates men more between imagery or text. Ladies, men want to see your goodies. For the love of God, just respect yourself with self-control. Other men prefer both imagery and textual communication for sexting. Surprisingly, men have admitted that it is not a turn on for them and they refuse to pay for webcam shows. A sense of invading space has surfaced the topic, as well as briefly discussing about bad previous experiences. This question was also opening up the door to assumption, and personal responses were openly exchanged. One participant admitted that he likes to use both imagery and text, and for the sake of me being cute, he admitted that he will definitely like both. That was for the hopes of giving him a chance in the near future. Guys, again, never assume she wants to engage in anything like that. She could be asking these questions to relieve herself from bad experiences of men sending her inappropriate images to her phone. Treat it as a question to answer, and an opportunity to understand. Not an opportunity to pursue anything further. I get it. A cute girl asked if you preferred images or text in sexting. She is attractive. Of course you would take anything you can from her. She gets it too. All the time. Stop it. I appreciated the honest responses that revolved around asking for too much if they received both forms of sexting. However, one continues to explain that, “images and texts both work good together. So ill say both.” That is a solid answer. Thank you. Then, there was Captain Obvious:

“Being a graphic designer, I’m a pretty visually-oriented guy. Send me something!”
Thanks! A special shout out to the guys who comfortably expressed their genuine interest of getting to know the person before they sext. This includes the guy who mentioned that it “helps if I had some idea of your turn ons and interests doll.” A special punch in the chest for the guy who assumes that a complimentary statement to their response is an immediate win of approval. I will give some kudos to the guy who felt that he would not be interested in “someone who could be pleased through a text message,” suggesting that they would not be compatible. However, I question his ability to take a balanced role (each other equally involved) in a long distant relationship if I was actually a girl trying to get to know him better on OkCupid. How else would he please me, from afar, if he feels that I cannot be pleased through the simplistic measure of a reading something genuine from him? Red flag for people who enjoy waking up to morning texts. This guy is probably not for you.

The Aftermath

The last question was a make it or break it for them. Of course – nobody won my number, or a local LA pizza place that I was hesitant to offer. After some participants heated things up with how they would please me through sexting, providing a detailed example of their sexting style, I left OkCupid inactive for a while from being busy with work. Some guys wondered if they passed my sex test while others insecurely questioned if they said something wrong. The best obvious response that I expected to see was something like this:

“So does this mean I didnt win ur number? Haha” 

Yes. Sorry, Romeo.

Pleading the 5th 
What exactly does a guy say to a young woman pursuing a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology to provide her an example of sexting? The following are some fine examples:
“Hahaha i guess, it’s not a good idea, we should Skype to seduce each others lol” 
“Well for examples. above all im really into oral so mostly it will lead to licking your click and other pussy eating gestures. like fondling , rubbing/firmly gripping your tits, nipple sucking, and some kissing of the neck to make you as wet as possible so when i go south you’re nice and wet. then slowly crawls my hand down get by rubbing your clit some , listen to you moan . i love it. start fingering you first with one then 2 fingers , enjoying your pleasure very much , bump it up to three maybe bring down the other hand and start rubbing your clit simultaniously(spelling error) and eventually give you a break just to move over between your legs and start by placing my tongue on your wet hole and running my tongue up spreading your lips open . start fingering you as i grasp your clit with my lips and go to town on your clit , have you go crazy…. well theres an example :P”
Wait, my what? Your hand crawls without dragging your body? I would like to see this!  Woah, three? Dude, this isn’t poker. You’re not bumping up anything! Hey, at least he was grammatically honest! Ah, fuck. He said it. Wet hole. I am done. I lost my lady boner. Seriously, that is almost saying, “moist hole.” He was considerate to give me a break though!
“Depending on what you like, ill seductively talk about what turns you on in all the right places. Phrasing and acting out those actions are key to sexting. So if you liked doggie style I would say as I watched your figure from behind I placed my hands right on hips and gently put my penis inside of you for full feeling. That’s just an example though lol” 
Nailed it.  That’s a winner!

 “Well I guess yea haha but im more in person kinda guy haha. Well like I said ive never done this before so I wouldnt really know wat to say but if it were in person. Ill take u somewhere nice to enjoy the day n then wen we get intimate ill start off by kissing ur neck as I slowly remove ur shirt. Then lay u down n start kissing ur stomache as I slowly remove ur pants. Then ill start fingering n licking u til u get extremly wet. Then ill ask u wat exactly do u want me to do to u n ill do every single thing u like to make u finish ;)”

 
I cannot stomache people playing with my mustache. Woah, wait. Jokes aside. Did he just pass my lady border without any prolonged stimulation above my waistline? Fail. Make me want it. Could you kiss my thighs at least?

“I can go hard slow kinky passionate how ever u like I can do. Im better at passionate though haha”

Those hardly working or working hard are quite hard doing whatever they do best:
 
“Haha, I’m at work, so this will be a bit awkward typing this. I would gently push you down onto your bed, gently kissing you on the neck, my warm breath lingering on your skin as I start to unbutton your blouse. I slide my right hand on the outside of your increasingly moist panties. My fingers tracing the outline of your slit… OK that is as much as I can do right now as a sample. My boss is staring at me lol”
 

Then, let me introduce to you, Mr. Exotically Fun:

“Haha well first we would have a setting like a pool, shower, locker room, something fun and exotic. Then I would start with telling you abiut the foreplay.” 

 

Well, at least this guy is kinda in the same boat:
“How I’d massage, kiss, or rub you. Then I’d start telling you how I’d take your clothes off haha”
 
Honesty is quite honestly sexy. Trust me. You proved yourself worthy:
“I’ll be honest, I don’t know you and just sexting someone I don’t know doesn’t feel quite right. If I knew you I would.”
 
Ladies, this is my guy. Yeah. He knows me too well:
“It sounds like an awesome idea, however, I’m going to say no, cause I don’t know you, I don’t really know if you really say who you are..you could be a guy or some kid getting a kick out of this,I decline.”
 
And as for Mr. Cocky, my guy should calm this dude down:
“I’ll win you over, I would rather not sext you here. What’s your number?” 
Romance Recap
By reviewing these responses, you can understand the college graduate had to cringe, smile, laugh, and shake her head at all these attempts of winning her phone number. This is not just a competition for digits, but further engagement in communication. Guys, seriously, do you even care for more intellectual conversations with her? Ladies, there are really good guys out there. This was a brief summary of 25 of them engaging in a conversation with a college graduate. This was a sample of the higher quality group searching for women with respectable backgrounds, including a strong academic focus in life. Never settle for less! Communication is extremely important before engaging in physical intimacy, especially earlier in the relationship. Keep in mind that being blunt right away is not necessarily the best idea. Respect yourself and each other when you disclose this information. Would you throw all your baggage at someone while you exchange the first handshake? Compare experiences and preferences.  There are guys willing to understand you and your body before attempting to please it. Ignore the ones with assumptions for sexual gain and fulfillment. They will never care about you. Analyze conversations as soon as possible to understand which type of fish you reeled in this time. Always remember that it starts from within. How you market yourself for love can make or break the future for you. I will discuss the rave girl’s perspective in a separate blog entry. I will try to get it out to you by mid August. Thank you in advance for a strong following community. I never expected to reach this many followers since I started, and I had no idea the majority of you would stay after inactivity. My word count has reached 7,100 for this post alone. Hopefully, that made up for something. I am off to bed! Sorry for any grammatical errors (other than the direct quotes from my male participants).

Reading Between the Lines; Analyzing Conversations in Online Dating

MuffDiver69 sent you a message! “F**k. Why me?” You start to question your sane existence on a dating website. Is it acceptable to judge someone based on their dating profile username, or do we assume that it was just a joke? The username implies a lot of mixed messages. I doubt this guy works at a bakery diving into muffins every morning. Perhaps, his favorite number is sixty-nine because it represents 1969 as the year of the first episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! that appeared on CBS.  Clearly, he must be referring to himself as a dog after all.

The username sets up the first impression with a lot of hesitation and disinterest. The next step is how they start the conversation. Whether you effectively analyzed their dating profile or started browsing through an endless list of fan letters, stay engaged with someone you are truly interested in. You might actually miss something important other than picking up on their account credentials.

In this article, I will focus on conversation analysis. Guys, the clue phone rang plenty of times, and you still have messages! Why not check them? She either wants you to stay or pack your bags. Pick it up! This one is for you! Girls, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Why are you still letting that one swim around at the end of the hook? If you are trying to reel him in and he is not putting any effort into coming closer, stop struggling! Let him swim away. We need to discuss how to analyze conversations through first impressions and word choice. Lastly, we need to start treating life like an hourglass! If the person is not worth a grain of sand, move on before time runs out!

In addition, I am going to discuss conversation methods that guys use with OkCupid. I will be incorporating a social experiment that I personally conducted with my two Catfish dating profiles. Are they thirsty or are they serious? I caught the same guy fishing for both ladies! Did he talk to them differently based on what they provided on their dating profile? Is the education section more intimidating for the guys who sleep around all the time? Is there a greater chance that family oriented guys are looking for someone serious?

When someone sends you a message, you have to keep in mind that not all messages are created with equal intentions. I will categorize the three types of groups on a dating website that most hopeless romantics will discover. These three main areas of concern are Physical Intimacy and/or Emotional Comfort Deficiency, Sexual frustration, and the Disney Believers.

Physical intimacy

Physical Intimacy and/or Emotional Comfort Deficiency

We all crave a physical and/or emotional connection with someone. This deficiency in physical intimacy and emotional comfort can push hopeless romantics over the edge. We tend to satisfy these urges through social networking websites, but sometimes we need more than that. We need to meet people in person to get the actual physical or emotional fix from physical intimacy. The intellectual conversations can only do so much for a strong, emotional connection with someone. The way we approach this desire can come off as desperate or too clingy. I am down to cuddle with anyone through no strings attached snuggling. However, the sensual intentions are constantly surrounded by sexual misconceptions. An instant wall of hesitation creates a temporary access of trust until boundaries are crossed. That is the crucial moment when trust will be much harder to achieve. If two people mutually agree that they will only cuddle with each other, how does one continue to trust the other if they take an advantage of the situation? How will you be certain that they will respect your own morals and values to your own body if they made an attempt to challenge them?

In one of my most explicit road maps to seduction,  I created an article that reveals the sensualist perspective. I focus on a forehead to waistline outline that will only make or break the encounter. I cannot guarantee success because nobody shares the same tolerance of pleasure, however I can guarantee confidence in the bedroom. I can guarantee that you will get your fix if it is solely on a sensual, rather than sexual, experience.

Sexual Frustration

Sexual Frustration

Your magazines appear to be used, flipped, and sticky. Your DVD collection has at least two scratches on each CD. Your computer is running extremely slow with content that eventually grew on you after years of commitment. Your toys ran out of batteries, or your virtual flesh is starting to tear apart. Your blowup doll had enough hot air to warm up an entire winter season. Your hand needs a vacation. You crave the real thing, but you hesitate to pay for an erotic service. If it was given for free, do you even have standards for one-night stands? College students might have this sexually frustrated stereotype, and older individuals might be overwhelmed with a mid-life crisis. This is the group that has a greater impact on social networks. Sex is a physical and emotional desire for some, and an addiction for others. Some people count each other as numbers, others look at the quality of each person. This divide has become the most conflicting issue on dating websites. Anyone with class or respect for themselves will not carry around the easy impression. Regardless how sexually frustrated they are, the least they can do is find someone reasonably respectful and passionate to treat them as a temporary partner.

Disney Believers 

There is still hope that one day a Disney believer’s  fairy tale ending will come around the corner. They will have to kiss many toads, face ugly dragons, obsessive knights, and plenty of jokers throughout their journey for true love. They give dating websites a second chance rather than their only hope. They have plenty of hope that their soul-mate is somewhere in the world. They feel as if their knight and shining armor was never meant to be down the street from them, but they are determined to find them eventually. The only way to expand their search is to look online. They can live without the physical or emotional connection, but the sexually frustrated individuals annoy them. They are classy, spontaneous, and heartfelt. These people stand out from the rest because they come across as patient, optimistic, and determined hopeless romantics. They will not settle for less because they already know they deserve much better than that. Time will tell, believers. Those butterflies should rest until then.

Categorizing First Impressions

The first impression of someone’s message will instantly determine which group describes their overall personality. When you engage in a conversation, the way they express their ideas will provide more clues on their overall self-esteem and identity. This might sound overwhelming to remember, but it should come natural with interpersonal communication. I will provide some examples of how guys approached two of my Catfish OkCupid accounts posing as two girls in their early 20′s living in California.

I portray as a recent UConn graduate with a B.A. in Psychology, minor in French. She is pursuing a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology in California while volunteering at a health clinic. Nobody ever questioned why she was in Connecticut before she came to California. The other account portrays as a rave girl living in California with no academic aspirations. She makes her own cosplay outfits.  She answers her questions on her dating profile with sexual responses. This allows me to understand if guys take the time to read the responses. Although the sophisticated one is very bubbly and outgoing, she makes a note that she recently left an abusive relationship. In addition, the most private thing to admit is an accidental, embarrassing sext moment when she sexted her best friend. Now, her best guy friend calls her, “Cheeks.”  

The OkCupid Social Experiment 

This is how the OkCupid social experiment played out with each account. I will compare the first message from the same guy with the college graduate and the next will show an example of the first message to the rave girl. Notice the tone and word choice with each account. Think about how education and sexual gratification play into these messages.

An example first message for the college graduate:

“Hey maybe we could chat sometime if you like?”

An example first message from the same guy for the rave girl:

“Hey there cutie maybe we could chat sometime”

Ah, he almost uses a copy and paste method of chatting. The main difference is that he actually made a move on my appearance as the rave chick and not the one with the four year degree. Does that really prove anything? Is it more polite to ask, “if you like,” rather than assume that the other will talk to him sometime? Let’s find out. On the sophisticated side, he asks a basic question to engage in conversation:

Him: Lol I’ll do my best. So how is your day?

College Graduate: It was fun. Just talking to a bunch of weirdos on here. lol

Him: That doesn’t sounds fun lol I would hate that
CG: Yeah, especially the horny ones. Did porn shut down or something? lol

Him: Lol I know what you mean I hear about guys like that a lot on here and I’m like why?

CG: Yeah, they would f**k anything that has a hole. lol

Him: Lmao that sounds about right for most guys on the internet in general :P

CG: Are you like most guys? 

Him: I don’t think I am but I honestly couldn’t tell you for sure 

CG: Why not? Is there something you’re hiding from me? 
Him: I’m not hiding anything from you I just honestly don’t couldn’t tell you if I’m like most guys because it would be your personal opinion lol
CG: Are you usually engaging in sexual conversations with other women on the Internet? That wouldn’t be a personal opinion. You either do or you don’t … like most guys.

Him: I honestly don’t unless the girl I’m talking to is my gf lol but I haven’t had one in a while lol

How about the rave girl?  
In summary, the chat went like this:
Him: I want you so bad I’ll do anything you like ;)
RG:anything? what are you confident the most about? ;)

Him: Confident about? Thats a good question lol idk honestly I’m not to confident of a person lol

 RG: haha, you’re silly! what could you do for me that you know would please me and make me moan? ^_^

Him: Mmm I could probably play with your nice tits and rub that wet pussy ;)

RG: mmm hey babe, do you know what erogenous zones are?

Him: No what are they?
RG: Aw, that’s a shame. If you did, you could please me really well. :(
Him: I’m so sorry baby could you tell me what they are? 
Him: I wanna please you as much as I can babe
RG:[sent him a link on erogenous zones] 
The guy never came back to me to verify that he understands the importance of erogenous zones. I was hesitant to give him one of my blog articles, so I sent him a link to askmen.com. He continued the conversation with complimentary language, mentioning how sexy I was. The concept of erogenous zones will give you that warm sexy vibe, but that was not the point. I wish he asked which areas would I enjoy the most. Does it matter? Was he caught up with his own selfish sexual gratification? Does he really care about pleasing me much as he promises? I doubt it. I am not his girlfriend, remember?
The Compatibility Stats 
RG: 8% Match 53% Friend 40% Enemy
CG: 65% Match 46% Friend 20% Enemy
If this guy cared about matches, he is trying his best to make an impression on the educated woman. If he cared about friends (with benefits), he would go after the rave girl. In the long run, he knows the rave girl would not be the ideal match for him for something stable. So, why would he waste his time on her? The emotional attachment might end up with the educated woman, while the physical attachment is with the rave girl. After an hour later, the guy messages the college graduate back.

Him: I hope I didn’t scare you off lol

CG: I am pretty sure you just want a f**k buddy. Sorry I wasted your time.

Him: I never said that :/ I honestly don’t sorry that it seemed like that and sorry that I wasted your time.

Conversational Strategies Most People Do 

1. If the person is a potential ideal match for a serious commitment, they are generally more respectful. It’s common sense.

Example:

Girl: Here’s the guy I’ve been talking to this whole time, mom!

Mom: Aw, how did you two meet? Was it at school? 

The young couple embarrassingly looks at each other, hesitating to respond. The idea of meeting each other online was nothing to be ashamed about, but the initial message that created this inseparable bond.

2. If the person is a potential hook-up, one-night stand, or a fling, meeting family is generally a reserved situation. Complimentary language, pick-up lines, and anything oriented around appearance is an immediate red flag. Guys, if you cared that much to set an impression, why not focus on complimenting her on something that rarely receives praise? These factors are generally academic achievements,  a legitimate profile analysis, and keywords that struck you the most. Just remember my previous blog post about analyzing dating profiles.

3. The tone of voice and word choice in language is very flexible. The college graduate used “lol” at the end of each response until she questioned him on the spot if he was like most guys on the Internet. In comparison, his tone of language is slightly different from the way he communicates with the rave girl. According to the guy, there is no reason to talk dirty to other women on the Internet because he only reserves that behavior with his girlfriend. He mentions that he has not had one in a while. Therefore, in his opinion, he is clear from being like most guys on the Internet. He hears about the behavior of men on the Internet, yet questions it as a hypocrite.

A Side Note

Keep in mind that people have their own word banks for different emotions, reactions, or feelings toward a situation. On the phone, there are different non-verbal cues like giggling and hesitation to speak. Always be on the alert for these things! Now, as far as prolonged foreplay goes, this guy receives an F for F**ck Off! He needs to tackle a few things before going for the end zone with the football. Seriously, do we blame porn for the deterioration of prolonged foreplay? When was it acceptable to assume that it is necessary to skip her facial features? Forget chivalry, what ever happened to sensual forehead kisses? Does he skip around the bases?

Concluding Thoughts

We are all human, we have urges, and we desire to feel physically and emotionally connected with other people. How we approach these conflicting issues in our lives to overcome the overwhelming desire is primarily based on convenience. If there is a local bar or a glowing monitor screen around the corner, we take action. What we need to understand is that we all have primitive instincts on relationships. If someone attracts us, we are intrigued. We initiate contact, engage in communication, and we market ourselves in the dating marketplace. The communication can be both verbal or non-verbal, but the Internet acts as a virtual barrier to change the way we challenge the question as to whether this person is worth a date, several dates, or a possible long-term commitment. The way we engage with each other sets the tone in the conversation. Do they seem interested? Are they writing in paragraphs? Are they caught up with complimentary vocabulary or factual information? Take a note to the response time. If they never mentioned that they were busy, why are they taking longer than expected to reply back if they are interested? Until next time, take action and start questioning! You deserve better than the second option. Thanks for reading!

Let’s Talk!

Questions, comments, concerns? Get argumentative. I write for the sake of engagement. This is what makes an effective blog worth reading. Never take everything, and go with it. Opinions! What sparked your interested? A different guy questioned both women if they had Instagram to verify that he was not being Catfished. Would you do the same? What triggers your gut instinct to say that someone is too good to be true?

It’s Not Astrology, It’s Common Sense; Analyzing Dating Profiles for Compatibility

Forever Alone on New Years

It is finally a brand new year! You are still single, employed, and lonely after work. Perhaps, you are still a full time student,  single, and lonely after exams. What if you are in a relationship, regardless if you are married or not, but your partner pays little to no attention to you? That feeling of intimate detachment has mixed emotions in every situation. How do you overcome these feelings? How would you fill the vacancy between your arms?

In this blog article, I am going to pay closer attention to the people who are still searching for love without anyone there. If they cannot meet someone in person in a public setting, how will the Internet effectively guide the hopeless romantic into the right arms? I am going to explain how you can effectively analyze a dating profile with common sense. No prior astrological knowledge is required, or experience in dating. Be confident. Just be yourself. Just use your personal judgement through this How-To-Guide.

Catching a Glimpse of Potential

The local bars might give off the wrong one-night stand impression, and picking up someone near the ice cream freezers at the grocery store might cut into a recent breakup. The local bookstore might be a great idea, but without judging the book before they buy it, does the overall book section accurately define the individual’s personality? The guy is reading a book about studying abroad. That topic might sound adventurous, but that might also be an indicator for a prospective long-distant relationship. He might not even be ready to commit until his flight reaches his foreign destination. Bummer. Assumptions are always flawed and mixed emotions will eventually push individuals out of the comfort zone of meeting someone in a public environment. Ah, ignore the family suggestions or referrals from friends because the support network  is not qualified to play Cupid’s assistant.  The Internet is the last resort for love after all.

In the last five years, I have been analyzing social networking profiles with tolerance for diversity, patience for grammatical errors, and common sense for interpretation. There is a greater incentive to gain respect from someone if the visitor takes their time to read everything. Yes, including the part about disclosing the most private thing to tell the whole world. However, I have noticed that people try too hard in making first impressions. I have written plenty of first impression blog articles in the last year. Those articles should be pushed to the side this year.

Now, take a moment to just remove the obvious steps in making first impressions, such as stating the obvious because you read something.

“So, you like cats.” 

Congratulations, you proved to them that you are literate. I need you to focus on using a common sense analysis for the rest of the year. Guys, this is especially for you! If someone likes cats, think about the difference between a “dog person” and a “cat person.” If someone has both pets, that can be a little conflicting or extremely balanced. It all varies depending on their individual lifestyle. In general, I have a theory for how sensual cat owners compare to dog owners under the sheets. See Feline Foreplay for more details on how to use quality time with your cat to become more seductive with your lover.

Now, try focusing on these subjects of interest:

Personality Traits 

Whether it is big or small, everyone has an ego. It is how we identify ourselves without paying attention to insecurities or pride. Now, personality traits make up this identity. They also transition into our language. The word choices we make to express and convey our feelings will be the fine print of a dating profile.

Academic, Professional, and Social Struggles

“I am in school and I work.” 

Okay, in the context of word choice, that does sound a bit boring. Wait, what if they wrote the following sentence right after:

“Not to toot my own horn here but I’m pretty good at drawing lol”

Now,  you have an idea that they are sophisticated, hardworking, and passionate about the freedom of expression. How? School implies sophistication,  work implies hardworking, and the way they mentioned about drawing instantly conveys the concept of appreciating the freedom of expression. Why would I assume they are passionate about it? Well, they never mentioned that they like drawing. They mentioned that they are pretty good with it.  In general, anyone who is passionate about something will try to make the most of their effort to do well in whatever they do. Therefore, this example displays a few personality traits that were not directly expressed, but common sense highlighted them accordingly.

Try this one: 

“Rolling, Writting music, Fluent in Spanish, Agricultural Science, Making Drinks ;) Dancing, Poetry, Oil Paints, Cooking”

Hopefully, we can all agree that this individual conveys the image of being an independent, expressive conversationalist, and someone with a spontaneous  energetic attitude that can warm up a kitchen. This person has great taste in productivity, time management, and lives life without a dull moment.

Just think about how we can interpret simplistic words into semantics, or meaning of the overall context.  However, try not to overwhelm the idea that you are ready to settle:

“No one wants to put in 100% and get nothing in return which is what I’ve been doing all this time with females on this website…”

We get it. You are tired of playing games. Maybe it was something you said in the private message? This message on your dating profile conveys the idea that you are desperately searching for someone. Stop. Just breathe. How much time have you invested in this hard labor of finding someone? Take that section out, give yourself a break, and get some fresh air. Then, go back and revise your dating profile. Evaluate yourself over again, but stay away from making it seem as if sending messages over a dating website is a daily chore for you. If you are looking for love and it was meant to be, it will happen over time. Just be patient.

Education 

If you are an undergraduate, whether you chose a major or remain undecided, education will always be mentioned on a dating profile. If you have already graduated, you will make sure the dating world knows you have an expensive piece of paper framed on a wall somewhere in your house. This status means a lot to you because you are doing something with your life. You worked hard for it! This important milestone in your life will make or break the impression that people might interpret from you. You might be intimidating for some, and intellectual hope for others.

Example: 

“I’m going to Eastern Connecticut State University studying child psychology.”

One more for education:

“Human Development and Family Studies major at UConn looking to develop within a Human Resource Department.”

Ah, another Husky!  As a graduate from the University of Connecticut, I can relate to the overall experience of living in Storrs, Connecticut. I can associate my experiences with their own, and we can exchange stories that will make sense because we have that New England collegiate connection. Now, going back to their studies, human development and family studies will open the doors to social work. This will give you an idea of what kind of person you are going to get yourself acquainted with if you pursue anything serious.

Now, let us graduate from this topic. Next, focus on how they feel about working. Their work ethics will generally follow with their education.

Career 

“Manager at a salon.  I love my job and want to open my own business one day.”

There are three types of workers in the world. The basic “stay for pay” employee,  the “gets the job done” worker, and the workaholic. If someone wants to be a manager at a salon, they are commitment driven, flexible, and willing to work hard for what they have in life. If they dream about owning their own business, that shows a lot of responsibility within their character.

Hey, you might even fall in love with someone with a great hairstyle. In return, they can save you a few bucks for yours! If they are passionate about what they do for a living, yet lack expertise in cutting hair in the beginning, embrace the way they spent quality time with you. They could have done something else with their time! Ah, those are hobbies.

Hobbies 

A hobby is a regular activity that pleases the individual. While I was at work, I read an educational poster attached to the classroom wall. “What you DO makes who you ARE!” Well, that might seem obvious, but in this last take on analyzing profiles, you will see why nobody bothers to pay attention to the little details. Stop judging and start appreciating! I am going to skip the obvious section on hobbies, and focus upon the status of who we represent within a community. What is our significant role or membership within that hobby that can either make or break the date?

Roles and Memberships

Instead of focusing on basic hobbies to analyze a person’s background, try taking important roles and memberships into the context. No, not a gym or Zumba membership. That could imply self-esteem, determination, goal-driven attitudes, and other great characteristics. However, not all gym memberships are taken as a New Year’s resolution advantage, especially on days with poor weather conditions. Focus on something that will always be a priority in someone’s life, even if they are not receiving any praise or appreciation in what they do on a daily basis.

Single Parents and the Package Deal in Daitng

Parenting. When you see an indication of being a parent on the prospective love interest’s dating profile, this is going to imply more than you can handle. Yeah, it might be baggage for some, and others are willing to take a load off another’s shoulders. This might be concerning to someone who is not willing to accept an additional person to their life. However, never use this as a detour in finding someone. Forget about the other half of DNA. If you are willing to make a difference in their lives, being the parent and the child, prove to them that you can accept being a second priority in the relationship. Young parents are not all lazy, inconsiderate, and careless. The main goal is to give their child a life that cannot compare to their own. They want to make the best out of the situation, and succeed to prove everyone around them that their first impression was wrong. Society will give out free labels, but they are much stronger than that to see their situation as another product of poor parenting. You do not understand what they went through, but take their hand to move on together.

These individuals will be much stronger, more independent, and reliable than the rest of those who cannot relate to anything close to what they have been through. Guys, when you stumble upon a young mother, the first thing you should ever say to them is, “Give yourself mommy time, you deserve it.”  Those encouraging words are not going to refund time or money, but it shows appreciation in what they have been doing with their lives.  Primarily, this is the reason why they barely have any time to meet someone in person, and ended up on a dating website instead. Take that imitative as a friend, and give them praise for how hardworking they are.

Next time you read a dating profile, the least you could do is scan it for important keywords. When you discover keywords, analyze them. Never take a first impression solely on appearance or the lack of information they provided. The more information they provided, the implication of an open-minded, extroverted individual can pop out of the description. If they are barely throwing themselves out there with details, talk about that insecurity in a respectful manner. Are they afraid to commit? Are they still hurt from the last time they let themselves out in the open? Take these precautions seriously, and take everything they give you as an opportunity. Treat them as a priority, never an option.

Next Time on PrinzeCharming.com: 

In the next blog article, I am going to focus on conversation analysis. Guys, the clue phone rang plenty of times, and you still have messages! Why not check them? She either wants you to stay or pack your bags. Pick it up! This one is for you! Girls, there are plenty of fish in the sea! Why are you still letting that one swim around at the end of the hook? If you are reeling him in, and he is not putting any effort into coming closer, stop struggling! Let him swim away. We need to discuss how to analyze conversations, word choice, and treat life like an hourglass! If the person is not worth a grain of sand, move on before time runs out!

In addition, I am going to discuss actual conversation methods that guys use in general with OkCupid. I will be incorporating a social experiment that I personally conducted with my two Catfish dating profiles. Are they thirsty or are they serious? I caught the same guy fishing for both ladies! Did he talk to them differently based on what they provided on their dating profile? Is the education section more intimidating for the guys who sleep around all the time? Is there a greater chance that family oriented guys are looking for someone serious? Thanks for reading!

A New Year for a New Beginning

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Good afternoon everyone!

I missed you so much! I am sorry I went through the WordPress.org phase. My blog was very fancy with an elegant theme, and the overall professional vibe was there. However, I was caught up with a lot of events that flashed in front of me. So, a lot of my work was pushed off to the side for an immediate stop.

I was hesitant on joining the Peace Corps and taking up an offer for the military seemed too much at stake. Some of you were aware of this, and others were not because they believed that WordPress.org is too complex for their own tastes. I was intrigued about teaching English as a second language abroad. The sketchy Chinese programs could hinder my future ambitions for a government career.

So, what did the Year of the Snake bring in for this dedicated Earth Snake? Well, I landed a substitute teaching position with Kelly Services, Inc., a temp agency, to cover across the East Hartford Public Schools District. I substituted from 5th to 6th grade, and then I tried out the high school. I bumped into a teacher from the World Language Department. They asked if I would be interested in a long term substitute position teaching English as a second language.

After a month into the long term assignment, the students were sad to see me leave on December 20th. Although that was the same day they all leave for vacation, they knew their former teacher will cover the entire day starting tomorrow (January 2nd, 2014). They finally recovered from their heartbreak, and embraced the latest news that I have a full time Bilingual Tutor position from the Board of Education. I will be starting tomorrow. I have a new blog dedicated to that lifestyle on, “The Diary of a Bilingual Tutor.”  I am going to disclose my stories as a substitute teacher, and then work on teaching strategies every week to help document my progress. If you read The Tutor section there, it will explain more in detail.

Now, about PrinzeCharming.com. Where do we go from here? I am going to start fresh. I am sorry for not committing to the future posts that I originally anticipated to complete. It was a lot of fun, and I hope we have the same amount of fun as we did a year ago. First, I would like to say thank you for staying on board with me. I know I lost a few hundred followers, maybe one thousand for a guesstimate. You will find a few broken images around here. Please watch where you step.

I will dive into the latest love life that I stumbled upon from flying out to Alabama for the summer to rekindling five years of a lost friendship in Florida.I will also bring up how my heart is now in the city of Toronto, Canada. The difficult struggle for a long distant unofficial relationship will also be interesting to bring up. Does a label matter as much as maintaining something that was never established?How about astrological significance? She is a Cancer, and I am a Virgo. Can the stars set the foundation of future endeavors?

I could also tell you my journey through NaNoWriMo with my latest novel, “The End Zone.”  This story is about a high school jock who prioritizes football, reputation, and women. The unfortunate car accident separates Logan Coeur from his athletic aspirations as a paraplegic, and he discovers that sensual romance should always be above narcissism in the relationship. Logan and Jessica’s relationship does not end very well, but Amanda helps Logan understand everything that I have been writing about in my blog over a year ago. I will be editing and adding more to the story later.

I wish the best of luck in all your endeavors for 2014!

Take care,

Tony

Where Art Thou, Prinze?

c'est moiHey everyone! I have so much to tell you! Where have I been this whole time? Well, I have been bouncing around career paths, and still trying to figure out my place in the world. As of right now, I am going to give you a free fan sign if you join and stay a while at this awesome social networking website! It’s free to join, and there is so much more to do than Facebook. I am top dude #36 this week! Everyone loves the blog articles that you previously enjoyed on here! Click the picture below, and I’ll see you there! The best virtual bar on the internet!

 

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