Lips Are Sealed; Holding Off a Perfect Moment with Bad Breath

What the hell did you eat? Have you ever came close to a disturbing smell lingering out of your date’s mouth? Was your passionate kiss delayed or did you continue to embrace upon a journey of no return? Did you think it could never be that bad, but realized the aftertaste left you sick? My lips were always sealed, escaping from another unforgettable love story,  but we know William Shakespeare’s Juliet was unbelievably in love with Romeo that she kissed poison off the lips of her dead man’s corpse. Although the dagger was more potent in this situation, what if you came close to toxic lips that Britney Spears seems to enjoy? Those lips gave her a ride and a “poison paradise”. I highly doubt bad breath kisses will cause an addiction. If they do, please send me or yourself to Desperate Kissing Anonymous.

If you chose taste in my senses challenge, the problem will still linger throughout the evening. The problem will be entirely different from the smell of burnt cookies in a lover’s kitchen with the Lover’s Christmas List. Maybe you woke up to this problem after engaging in no strings attached snuggling? What if you engaged in hot passionate sensualist foreplay? What do you do in these situations without hurting your date or partner? I will explain my perspective and experiences on this, and hopefully you can understand my motives. After you read this blog post, I hope the holiday season can still bring you intimate kisses under the mistletoe without leaving an aftertaste of obligation.

One of his hands finds a spot on the side of her face, the other sends the fingers out to roam aimlessly through her hair. A seductive exchange of eyes and grins entices the couple to embrace their lips. A delicate forehead kiss starts the fun, cheeks are anxiously awaiting for their turn. The nose awaits its turn too and Eskimo kisses are always fun to do. The perfect transition is down to their lips, but hindered confidence pushes aside this intimate idea. The pores of his masculine face shed tears of garlic from the romantic candlelit Italian dinner an hour ago. The feeling of dishonesty, betrayal and obligation may leave them thinking, “What’s next? Maybe we should have bought the Tiramisu for dessert instead.”

You saved each other for dessert? Yeah, I would do the same. I would never have to worry about gaining calories, rather enjoyably shedding them off. Now, what happens next? Do you change the topic and ask the waiter to bring out the dessert menu? Do you go back home and face the awkward blow of Italy’s most potent dish in the restaurant? Regardless if you chose the first option to sweeten up their lips, maybe the smell of Tiramisu and garlic will really throw you over the edge. Garlic cappuccino, anyone? Mama mia!  The two love birds will eventually have to leave, unless you are staying the night. Be sure to brush your teeth before hitting the sack. The departure will be an exchange of prolonged hugs and good-bye’s. Possibly his wandering hands fill your back pockets and your noses occupy with each other awaiting for the signal to shift further down. To exchange a goodnight kiss or not to exchange a goodnight kiss – that is the question I will answer. I will give you some suggestions on how to end a night out with a perfect alternative of battling your partner’s bad breath. If you have any other suggestions, please feel free to send them in the comments below.

Location, location, location! 

Yes, we are marketing our lips as temporary hotel stays. We want the best location for the most passionate embrace. What if the location was ideal for a quickie before stepping into the door where your parents lurk around for your arrival? Location is essentially important for any public display of affection. I will briefly go over the most commonly used places for a good-night kiss. Then, we can decide what to do after that destination is discovered.  If you have a special place where you enjoy the lips of your partner or casual dates, let me know under the comment section below.

The Restaurant 

Well, it has to start somewhere! I am trying to convey the message here that it is perfectly fine to kiss someone at a restaurant! However, it is not fine when they have bad breath. How do we avoid being intimate with a lingering enemy taking over your attractive date’s lips? We let them win, but we play back harder. It is perfectly fine if you never kissed on the first date, most people feel the same way. What if you went out for a night with your girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse? I am sure they will love these alternative approaches to restaurant etiquette. I will explain three of my favorite alternatives to being playfully passionate and assertive.

The Restaurant: Footsie

Ah, yes, a very discreet way of expressing your playful submissive side without exchanging lips. Try it sometime! This is not necessarily limited to the restaurant setting. You can also do this at home at the kitchen table, on the couch or in bed.

Communication is essentially important, especially non-verbal communication. If your partner is receptive, this is a win-win. If they are too oblivious or uncomfortable, at least you tried. In the bedroom, toes can be used like fingers. Be soft, gentle and playfully outgoing. Practice and find a perfect technique that you are comfortable doing outside the bedroom. Always remember to maintain restaurant etiquette. Make sure you showered before your socks slip off, and look around to see if anyone would notice. In advanced, request for a booth, unless you are an exhibitionist for public attention.

Holding hands under the table.

The Restaurant: Hold Hands

Can it really be that simple? Yes! You can do this anywhere you want and most people will actually approve. You might make other couples jealous. Do this before and after your meals, or even during your meal! Caress their fingers, massage their wrists. I am not asking for much here. This is casual, but very effective. Think of this as an under the counter addiction. Communicate them with words and actions. Talk is extremely cheap, and this speaks everything you could never explain. If you are a professional hand holder, you may sway them to forget about the kiss or possibly entice it. Whether or not they understand that you declined the kiss, they will be more than happy to hold your hand until the check comes.

The Restaurant: Breath check, please?

Let’s face it – you are not confident enough to kiss them in public, especially with a lingering Italian garlic monster. That is completely fine. The dinner towelette is an idealistic  suggestion thrown on the table. Ask for two mints, and head out the door. Maybe the mint and the fresh air will help the problem by the time you arrive home. Next time, go out for ice cream or hot chocolate at a local diner after a movie date. Keep the garlic possibilities aside.

The Bedroom: Good Mourning!

Rise and shi .. SHIT! Morning breath is not a fun battle every morning. I have no problem with it, but I did experience a no strings attached snuggle with someone who did.  They thought it was extremely bad, however my personal rating was below the worst one I have ever experienced. Although  a “good mourning” is an oxymoron, nobody wants to mourn over any morning unless it’s Monday!

The Bedroom: Foreplay? No, more like foul play! 

The romantic dinner at the Italian restaurant was priceless, even if you skipped satisfying your sweet tooth for dessert. You are both sprawled out in bed, looking up at the ceiling, and wondering, “What’s next?” Do you tuck each other in for bed or take up on the rain check for dessert now? Did the breath mint help resolve the problem or did it make it any worse than before? Regardless whether you woke up to this morning surprise or brought it home with you as an Italian dinner souvenir, you have to learn how to work around it.

The Bedroom: Embracing the Sensualist Approach

Learn how to seduce them without kissing them right away. I cannot emphasize this enough. Everyone seems to pucker up without hesitation. Learn how to balance out the playful and submissive side. First, check out my other article on The Art of Seduction; Revealing the Sensualist PerspectiveTake some mental notes, and come back. It will save me a lot of time rewriting those ideas. The core message that I want you take from that article is how to avoid kissing their lips right away, and how you can do this in a sexy, confident manner.

The Movie Theater

Aw, a romantic Italian dinner and a movie? Wait,  we all know you aren’t really watching this movie! Could have fooled me! Do chick flicks make you think, “I could kiss better than that! Watch!” Well, hopefully garlic glazed popcorn isn’t served in this theater! Does it still smell or maybe the bad breath was before the movie date? Do you feel obligated to look as cute as this couple on the left? You might want to try that pose, but it might do more harm than teasing them instead. Try these alternative approaches during the boring scenes!

The Movie Theater: Hold Hands

I’m sorry but this is when I repeat myself from earlier:

Can it really be that simple? Yes! You can do this anywhere you want and most people will actually approve. You might make other couples jealous.

No, honestly, you paid good money for those seats! Enjoy the movie, even if you end up looking anticipated to make your moves.  Now, one last time I repeat why you should embrace those fingers together:

Caress their fingers, massage their wrists. I am not asking for much here. This is casual, but very effective.

Honestly, let those hands wander aimlessly around. Guys, massage her arms. Girls, play with his arm hairs. If you really want the exhibitionist way of doing things, sit in the back with the wall behind you. As long as it is consensual fun, enjoy yourselves. It is extremely difficult when you try your best not to kiss them, but kiss them somewhere else. Try for their neck! As long as you set your morals straight, you will never have to worry about traumatizing a little boy’s movie theater experience.

Home Sweet Home

Whether you had a romantic Italian dinner, a movie, or possibly both, the date was a success. Now, it is time to leave your own ways until the next time your eyes meet once again. If you’re married or living with them, just follow the bedroom section. Now, do you exchange your kisses here at the front door, or do you embrace the hugs? Are your parents watching outside the windows or your siblings are running outside to make front row seats in the nearby bushes? Just remember the article I suggested earlier. It might be too explicit for you, but the core message is communication. Understand what their body language suggests and learn how to work around it. Does it look like they want to kiss you? Maybe they need more time to re-evaluate the date? Maybe they already know they have bad breath from a self-check in the restaurant or movie theater bathroom? Learn how to playfully change the mood about kissing them. An easier way to remember this is to take the ‘u’ in “fun” and turn it the other way around to make it a ‘c’. Now, you have FCN which stands for, “Forehead, Cheek, and Nose.” Give them forehead kisses, two cheek kisses, and then some Eskimo kisses. Unless the breath is that bad, stay away from the Eskimo kisses for a while. Never let the bad breath garlic monsters hinder your romantic experiences!

Have you ever experienced bad breath on a date? How did you work things out? Do you have any suggestions? Leave the comments below!  

23 comments on “Lips Are Sealed; Holding Off a Perfect Moment with Bad Breath

  1. godgoesonablinddatewithscience says:

    Ponder this….what if I were a sensually charge large black man? He doesn’t mind bad breath at all. I always prayed these crooners would return to teach African American men the art of love.

    Personally, I prefer petite and darling British boys with noses like Eskimos!

    More Cowbell!

    It’s Dreidel Day! I’m beginning to think that 2 player one handed dreidels are an art form.

    I can brush my teeth with one hand.

    I shall shiver until your next entry into my….
    atmosphere.

    Thank you…very wise and no longer bitter Sir.

    Get your hands off that remote! I’m not going to tell you again!

  2. godgoesonablinddatewithscience says:

    oh yea…let me just say that women prefer men to lose their sense of smell.

    Some of us never get over that.

    Any ideas on what men feel about intimate aromas?

    eek.

  3. We’re married. We’re brutal. We say, “Euhhh. Go brush your teeth.” :) Thanks for dropping by my blog.

    • Haha, very nice! My parents are brutally honest as well. Terms of endearment? Ha, most people would classify them as insults! Thanks for stopping by yourself. Take care.

  4. aww this is funny :D

  5. iamforchange says:

    I love your pages and your form of self-expression, it is a pleasure to have you share your gifts through your pages Thank you. I have nominated you for blog of the Year please visit my page Blog of the year awards and nominations Thank you! Revised
    Posted on December 9, 2012

  6. Cute…and entertaining!

    • Thanks, love. It is a pleasure to have you stop by my blog and read my articles. After managing a busy day, tossing around family and household chores, I will be publishing another one shortly. Stay tuned!

  7. yesthatsme42 says:

    So we now know what to do if it’s their breath…
    But what about if they have B.O.? My boyfriend is constantly coming up to me wanting to have ‘fun time’ but sometimes he doesnt smell the best… Any advice?

  8. godgoesonablinddatewithscience says:

    Screw that comment…he doesn’t smell the best Did cavewomen say this to men? If I’m in love with someone….I can’t wait to bury my nose in his armpit.

    so there.

  9. godgoesonablinddatewithscience says:

    You don’t have to write about it I will…NO woman wants to stick her face in a guys ok? I said it. don’t like I 69 for that very reason. Fine?

  10. godgoesonablinddatewithscience says:

    I MEANT ASS.

    i meant to write ass.

    so there.

  11. […] Lips Are Sealed; Holding Off a Perfect Moment with Bad Breath – Could I get any nicer than this? If you have bad breath, I am not being blunt about it. I will make the best of it under the circumstances of the stench. It takes away from putting her on the spot, and making things even more awkward. Regardless if you or I have bad breath, I would love to find someone who would still do what I mentioned in that post. If you’re my girlfriend, prove to me that you want to spend quality time together. If you’re too focused on everything around you, I am most likely going to notice and stop your chance at love with me. […]

  12. […] What the hell did you eat? Have you ever came close to a disturbing smell lingering out of your date’s mouth? Was your passionate kiss delayed or did you continue to embrace upon a journey of…  […]

  13. […] smile. The date went smoothly without the unnecessary intoxication of Sex on the Beach. Although Halitosis delayed the kiss, the prolonged affection for each other was well worth the wait. Was it love at […]

  14. […] Lips Are Sealed; Holding Off a Perfect Moment with Bad Breath […]

  15. […] a deep ageless slumber for 100 years sounds reassuring, a true love’s first kiss does not necessarily happen overnight for a sixteen year old.  This love story has an arranged […]

Speak your heart, proofread your mind.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s